Sunday was crazy.
Deny excitement, because, honestly
I'll be disappointed
in seeing someone my mother decided was right
who is far too brilliant
(and nice)
to really talk to me.
And I cannot stress brilliant enough
(also, creative)
It wasn't just me either,
but the general class.
Even though each message
or like
made me happy (for a while), I denied any real attachment.
[Don't be that girl, with feelings and thinking you're above your place.]
So everything was chill
be cool and logical
try to seem smarter than reality.
Until the big reveal of things beyond control,
see him go down, loose self for time.
Hold his head, because strange men had to put him on his side and then couldn't be bothered.
Try not to feel awkward
and out of place.
You haven't touched someone's head in over three years.
Wish for time travel so you could remember what to do
and hope you do it right
and why couldn't you just be better
at being a person, and just want time to speed up
him to wake up
be okay
please be okay
Time stops as EMT men arrive
stop thinking of the last time you were here
your big reveal, the ambulance for a T-bone
"is there a doctor here?" and blue eyes catching yours with laughter at trite
and concern
The who are you to the lucid and barely there
when his eyes couldn't find a name for anyone
to see him taken away, not knowing.
It was easy to follow, at least.
Call family, and just worry
like it is really your place [/sarcasm]
The thank yous and history lesson
from a mom just concerned
and so logical
The apologies for biology
and thanks for being there
like disappearing was an option
until families reunite and become no one again
It would be better
save face to be a ragged claw
lessen the uncontrollable embarrassment
and [my] social one
of liking someone
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