Update to mundane life

Still working, but with friends gone to lives afar and changed, it seems useless to be productive.

So, escaping to a land of fairy tales and industry, richer with history than my hills, in less than a month. I devoured a series of medieval fantasy. Wishing for seer dragons and a life of adventure.

Dreading the day of a classmate's memorial service, and a friend's (?) baby shower

That is a dreadful question mark.

Necessary.

And I keep hearing times are changing. I must be the old man wishing for a king to rise.

If only there was magic

I have studied the books about dragons, heard the stories about trolls, and remember the monsters from the cautionary tales. Yet some part of me still craves the magic that runs alongside these stories, the wonder that imbues their world. It is one of the things that keep people coming back to these fantastical tales.

This magic wouldn't be for myself, but to gift to the wonderful people in my life. Magic is said to have a price, that's why we're not supposed to really actually want it, but I would pay it so my friends and family would have a fighting chance against the wicked selfish women and evil corrupt men that reality and fantasy have in common.

These fairy tales and stories aren't real, and that's okay. But the villains shouldn't be either if that's the case. And there are too many damn good people in the world fighting against these demons, these dragons with treasure, these vampires out for our blood.

Now I know why we never read fantasy in school. It gives us too much hope. Enjoy your Greek tragedies and love Big Brother.  I'll keep hoping for the best for good people.

The world today

Upon hearing
that's just how it in
in the world today, I crave reasons
to remain
to not be one of the ten thousand
to not play a game of life

and end up dying anyway

there are no thrones 

and other people are living my dream

and it makes me wonder

why did I draw the short stick

having to roam the home with the killer

attached to my back

and all it would take is a little

push

because everyone needs a good fall

Dreams--slightly out of reach

Keep thinking of a well played game
worn out
tired from running
    and following rules
putting yourself on the line


The innominate "they" said things would be better
once we played the game
and won.
Ice cream or something.

Now there are scraps
and scrapes from learning it would have been better
watching from the sidelines.

I didn't even get a trophy.


All metaphors for life and games
and making it into someone else's entertainment
aside

Being a master means
to hope to one day
soon
be a manager
of a shift
at a store
in Kentucky
making food
for people who sat out
formed callouses instead of learning sentence structure

Maybe they were the smart ones

I was just duped

My friends were too. Embittered at 23. 

That's the new life. 

Schlips

After years of gender deferential dress codes
and fixing the turned up collars of my classmates
        while trying to wear my own well
a few stuck around
hanging


some ties were looser
floating in and out on the breeze
but when on fire
burning bright


the tightest one
is starting to choke me
and part of me wants to cut it

but it's so aged
and comfortable
when it doesn't strangle me

and that pre-made and tied one
feels better around my throat.

Crash and burn

The moment one realizes any plans for the future--
teach
travel
write something
anything worthwhile
fails.

What I worked hard to do
tried to be good
and do well
try
anything
fails.

Failing is life
at least for me
for now?
ever?
Gah.

And it doesn't really matter
probably not even to you,
because what's a recluse
depressed maniac
(sub)human
to you. Really.

A new friend said
what may be something true
although I have to say the terminology
asexual is wrong

more like non
but is non human
because we're biologically inclined to want that
for humanity.

Gross.
Just no. No longer.
Das ende.

Being a character

"If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story."-- Terry Pratchett

 Would it really be a bad thing? To live

in someone's else's tale for even a year.

We all like to see characters come

and go, aid

the protagonist. To foil and fade

and be worthwhile

in that capacity.