Three months of days and ways

Since Halloween, it has been over 30 kg
and that seems bloody fantastic.

I keep working on German
and have even started teaching people
     who can now say hallo.

Things sound idyllic
but I still want to go away.

Is it crazy to want to give up staring at a computer screen for at least 40 hours a day, doing the same work all the time, yet a secure job, to want to struggle to find a job in another country?

Am I wrong?

I am lost or close to getting lost.

Terrified of being rejected before I apply to a program, and terrified to get accepted.

Maybe there is something wrong with me.

Das Ende

Not of this
or of you
Not of what I've become.

The end, which is just a beginning as I'm constantly reminded.
I should just be happy. Take horns in the ribs.
Ignore the blood it spills and look forward to riding this bull

til the end?

It doesn't quite feel like a chapter. If it is, then my book isn't balanced.
It has to be a novella at least. I don't want that much more horrific conflict.
Adulthood.
Time to leave being a young adult at 20. Why did I ask for this?
Did I?

How do you leave a place, people, a life, that you were so recently given? Appreciated.
This question makes me feel self depreciating. I wasted years in a Syndrome (Stockholm style).

How do you mount a new life if you are not sure what size large animal you are trying to tame?

Answers would be nice, but they don't know their budget.
Ridiculous.

[end of silliness]

How are you?