Three months of days and ways

Since Halloween, it has been over 30 kg
and that seems bloody fantastic.

I keep working on German
and have even started teaching people
     who can now say hallo.

Things sound idyllic
but I still want to go away.

Is it crazy to want to give up staring at a computer screen for at least 40 hours a day, doing the same work all the time, yet a secure job, to want to struggle to find a job in another country?

Am I wrong?

I am lost or close to getting lost.

Terrified of being rejected before I apply to a program, and terrified to get accepted.

Maybe there is something wrong with me.

Another year past

Two months I was 17.7 kg lighter.
It is nice, but i have not put myself in torment
      throughout the holidays
pay a third of my weekly paycheck for daily substance
    half of the normal amount

to loose .6 kg.

Then to be told how bloody fantastic it is.
No. Fuck that.


I just want it to be June. The wedding, to stand behind a friend.

And hopefully an end to this in sight.


Hopefully certified and with prospects.